my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
