Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
