i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
