i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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