if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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