Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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