I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
