OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
