I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
