i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
