then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
