Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
