i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
