I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
