phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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