watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
