is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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