Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
