she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
