can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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