I wanna passion pit in your ass
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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