Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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