obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
