Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
