new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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