Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
