Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
