And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
