I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
