I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
