You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
