U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
