I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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