everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
