Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
