I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
