The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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