I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Michael Bay diarrhea
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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