All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
