i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We left the knife in your bed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
