imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
