This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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