I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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