New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
