Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
