I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
