Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
