Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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