All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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