Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
