Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You don't make any sense
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