Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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