oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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