we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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