Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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