My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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