My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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