I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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