I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
from now on my penis is your penis
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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