I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
