Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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