my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
