i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
