I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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