They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
