im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
