nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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