I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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