Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
