Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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