i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
