After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
