man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
