This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
