He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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