Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
