I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
