Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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