READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
