How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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