Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
