Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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