I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
