I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
