She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
