i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
