question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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